consequences

"I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse... I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe."

It's kind of funny. You spend every day telling yourself that it's hopeless, that it's never going to happen. You get completely used to the idea that you have no chance and never will. So when those words are actually spoken to you, they simply come and fill up the space that you've already carved for them.

Meanwhile, you completely forget to prepare for the part that always follows: the part where you lose your dearest friend. You spend all that time making space for the rejection that you don't prepare - you can't prepare - for having a piece of you ripped away, just like that. And despite knowing all along that this was the only way things could have possibly turned out, you were completely unprepared for it, and now you're left, staggering and gasping for air.

it's simple, really

The reason video games are so appealing to so many people is because in a video game, if you work hard, you will get what you want. No matter how ambitious the goal, how high you set your sights for a reward, attaining it is possible for everyone. Farm enough gold, earn enough experience points, drop that mob enough times, and you will eventually be able to get that item that you want.

In a video game, nothing is unattainable. There isn't any one thing that you can't have, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears you put towards it. In the end, as long as you keep pumping those numbers, victory can and shall be yours.

In a video game, you never have to deal with never.

same old things

The parallels are so striking. Almost creepy.

It's just like that time, the way it snuck up on you like that - caught you so off guard that by the time you noticed, it was too late. But without the snow. Or the skates.

Same feeling, different time, different place, different people. Kundera says that the gestures we use are far more unique than we are - the same could be said for our thoughts and emotions as well. We are merely their bearers, their incarnations.

I don't own emotion - I rent.

Same feeling, different time, different place, different people. But I'm better this time. I won't screw it up.

Not as badly.

This is how it works: you repeat the same mistakes over and over again and just hope that you'll get a little better each time. Then one day, when the little betters add up to good enough, you can start to break the pattern.

Or you get so good at repeating the pattern so perfectly that you don't notice the difference anymore.