drive

The guitar has seen more use this past weekend than it has for the entire year++ that I've had it, and the stinging feeling in my fingertips are starting to feel good rather than painful. The strangers who call themselves chords and shapes have seemed to finally decided to sit down and stay awhile - perhaps out of amusement at my attempts to befriend something so foreign to me. And I can almost reliably pull off the beginnings of an easy song (ignore the creepy videos - there's a play button next to the song title).

I just ordered a book on Amazon that would raise the eyebrows of those who know my lazy ass well. And I'm already trying to build up a list of more to come. The trick, of course, is finding the time and the place along with the right amount of motivation, but this time around I'm not giving up so easily.

I went to my first non-basics training two weeks ago, and the second one last week. The second class was both fun and intimidating - I was paired with so many shodans that night that "relax" was probably the last thing that I was able to do. One even kept vigorously shaking my arm to loosen it up before proceeding with a sankyo. And it didn't help that my pinky toe left a bloody mess on the mat that night (all better now; I didn't even feel it). I haven't gone since then, but I hope to return tomorrow night, and if not, I'll be there Thursday night for the New Year's training from 11:30-12:30. Will be the first New Year's Eve in awhile that's not spent at home acting all emo about being alone too.

And this weekend I am going to cook - though I wonder if it's really considered cooking if the end product doesn't turn out to be edible. Any suggestions on what a complete newbie should start with? Perhaps I'll even make some miso shiru that Jane-sensei has been talking to me about for quite some time now.

For now, that will have to do. Don't spread yourself too thin, I warn myself. Start small, focus, and go from there, lest you lose interest from making little progress on many rather than faring decently on a few.

I realize that my newfound motivation stems from a foolish dream, but it's motivation nonetheless. I also know all too well that I've been here before, with the same motivation and the same dream years ago. But this time around, I say to myself, it's going to be different. This time around, I am following through; I am not going to let reality break my spirit. I am not going to simply get over it and fall into complacency. Even though I'll never make it a reality, I will come out of this much richer from the experience.

And just in time for the new year too. Totally coincidental, but I suppose these could be the first New Year's resolutions that I've ever made in my entire life.

2010 is the new 2007. And I've got so much catching up to do.