consequences

"I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse... I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe."

It's kind of funny. You spend every day telling yourself that it's hopeless, that it's never going to happen. You get completely used to the idea that you have no chance and never will. So when those words are actually spoken to you, they simply come and fill up the space that you've already carved for them.

Meanwhile, you completely forget to prepare for the part that always follows: the part where you lose your dearest friend. You spend all that time making space for the rejection that you don't prepare - you can't prepare - for having a piece of you ripped away, just like that. And despite knowing all along that this was the only way things could have possibly turned out, you were completely unprepared for it, and now you're left, staggering and gasping for air.